How White Supremacy Ruined a Friendship, and the Lessons You Can Learn to Build Deeper Connections

Two days ago on Instagram, I shared an experience with a former friend, and it said this:

That post got more engagement than any other post I have ever posted on Instagram. I shared it to help other people understand the impact on ones relationships when one refuses to do their personal anti-racism work. The comments of support and people sharing their stories was absolutely beautiful. Then I got a text….

After 2.5 years the woman whom I was talking about in the post texted me within 30 minutes, after almost completely avoiding me since May of 2018. Unfortunately, it was more the same aggression, blame, and gaslighting I referred to in the post. In a nutshell, she lashed out at me and told me I wasn’t a good leader for sharing that story publicly, that I only care about my following, and that I should “cherish what once was.” Let me explain how this is classic white privilege mentality, and more specifically, aspects of white American culture that can be quite toxic.

A Smithsonian image in a Newsweek article breaks down how white Americans communicate. Some of those are: 1) Avoid conflict, intimacy. 2) Don’t show emotion. 3) Don’t discuss personal life. 4) Be polite. These four items are relationship killers and ways that uphold…